It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
