i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
