I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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