ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
