I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
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Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
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They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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