Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
