I want to have your abortion
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
