Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
