I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
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100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
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There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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