I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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