STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
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We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
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I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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