i can't believe i had my finger in that
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
