Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
