Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
