Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
