I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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