I will die if light touches me.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
