I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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