i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
