mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
