i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
