i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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