can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
