I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
