I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he puts the penis in happiness.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
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