the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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