This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
