Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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