I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
