you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
