I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dignity is for republicans.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
