who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
