i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
