So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
