I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
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and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
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I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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