Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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