my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
