i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
