The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
