I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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