LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
