im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize