So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
