it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
