So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
