It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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