these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
