I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
