I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
