im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
