Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wish you could order shots online.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
