Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
