the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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