Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
