I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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