Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize