i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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