Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
