She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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