if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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