Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize