I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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