My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
