I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
two words...techno handjob
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
