Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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