he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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