so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
