did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
