I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
