Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
