You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
