i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
