just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Randomize
