paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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