I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
