Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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