He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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